I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
