yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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