All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
