So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
