I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
