So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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