Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
