worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
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