he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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