Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
