No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
