I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
