I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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