So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
