I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
