i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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