so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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