I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
