I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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