Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
