He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
