i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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