just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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