She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
