Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
