so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
