Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
