I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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