I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
