I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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