just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
