she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
