If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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