My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
