if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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