The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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