yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
