your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
