does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
