I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
