Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm going to jail i love you
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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