Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
