dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
