we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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