I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
