How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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