our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
