You just made me feel so damn special
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
