$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
