I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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