Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
