wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
