Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
